


The Party Fic

by Conchita, Lesbo_Baggins, LEXILOVESSCOTTLANG, LoneDickRider, magnetowasright, ratboy, supersoldierskywalker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, F/F, M/M, sex mentions but not like explicit i have to use this computer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-05-19 15:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14876012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Conchita/pseuds/Conchita, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesbo_Baggins/pseuds/Lesbo_Baggins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LEXILOVESSCOTTLANG/pseuds/LEXILOVESSCOTTLANG, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneDickRider/pseuds/LoneDickRider, https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnetowasright/pseuds/magnetowasright, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratboy/pseuds/ratboy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersoldierskywalker/pseuds/supersoldierskywalker
Summary: *Insert MCU opening logo theme that's longer than fucking labor*





	1. Phase: One

**Author's Note:**

> this is the result of a marvel discord, owned by me, having these fucking cursed convos in the general chat everyfucking day past 12 am, my american time. 
> 
> alot of the characters in this fic arent the same as potrayed in the mcu but stay with their true comic traits like; clint is deaf, Wanda is brown.
> 
> also i made dr strange asian here because i fucking said so.

"A party?" Tony questioned. "Yea Tony that's what I said.." Steve responded at the counter, watching Stark pour coffee into his mug. It was 3:57 PM at the Avengers tower. Each avenger was setting up decorations for the party Steve had mentioned before.

"And why am I just knowing about this?" Tony asked like the dickhead he is. "We knew if we were to bring this up at the time we planned, you would disagree" Steve answered while opening the bag of balloons for Wanda, she couldn't open it. "What?" Tony wouldn't stop fucking asking.

"He means you'd say no dumb-ass" Sam responded from across the room setting up streamers. "Okay rude. But whatever have your party but I'm not helping cleaning shit" Tony walked out the room. Steve didn't care. Nobody did. They all been knew that Tony was never going to help anyways so.. Drinks!

They had 2 hours to finish up decorating, and an extra hour to get themselves ready in their costumes. It was a costume party. Nat's idea. She's so bland.

Sharon finished what she was hanging and turned to Nat. "Hey I'm gonna head home and put on the cat costume. I'll see you in a bit, okay honey?" Sharon kissed her on the cheek. Wow. Lesbeans.

"I'm finished with the balloons. I am going to go get ready in my Sabrina The Teenage Witch costume, are you guys able to hold up without me?" Wanda asked. "Yea we're fine, go ahead Wanda" Steve replied while vacuuming the rug and scaring Bucky, who was sleeping on the couch.

"Alright. Call if you need me" Wanda walked out of the room. Vision clips through the wall and follows Wanda. "Wanda. Does this costume of yours have any exposure to your breasts?" Vision was still following her.

Bucky gets up from his power nap and rubs his face. He doesn't feel alive. "Hey so are we done here?" Bucky asks. "Yea I guess so. Good work team, I'm going to take a shower and put on my costume." Steve turned off the vacuum and headed for the hall. "Wait, Steve!" Sam called from behind. Steve looked back.

"What are you dressing as?" Sam asked, smiling. He's hiding something. "I'm dressing up as a newsie. Why?" Steve smiled nervously. "A newsie? Steve, we're not in 6th grade, what the fuck" Bucky followed. "Hey! it's cute... What are you two dressing as"  


Steve was ready because he knew those two had the worse idea since Ultron. "Nah don't get scared, it's nothing. Me and Sam just wanted to IG live reveal your costume pick" Bucky pulled out the phone behind his back. Sam was fucking dying. It wasn't even that funny, newsies are cute. "Ha Ha very funny" Steve smirked. Bucky you got the Kylo Ren costume I left for you on the bed?"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "That costume is so fucking stupid." Bucky walked off. "KYLE RON" Sam followed.

By now, everyone were in their rooms getting ready.

_2 hours and a half later_

It was 30 minutes until the party started. Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, Sam, Nat, Sharon, and Clint were all inside. The door bell rung. "I'll get it" Sam, dressed as an angel, yelled from across the building. The door bell was rapidly being rung.

Sam got to there door in exactly 36 seconds. New record. He opened. "Heeeyy!!!" Sam yelled and grabbed the 2 persons hands and hugged them. It was Thor! oh and Bruce.

"Good Evening my friends!" Thor entered and greeted at everyone inside. "Thor!" like 4 people got up to hug him. Everyone loves Thor. Oh and Bruce was still in the back. 

"Hey dude! Nice costume, you look handsome" Steve pat Thor on the back in a very bro way. He looks so cute in his newsie outfit. Thor was dressed as a Prince Charming. Bruce was dressed in green and had a Kermit The Frog hat on. "Hey Bruce, buddy how are ya' hangin' there?" Steve looked behind Thor to Bruce. Who was already dissociating.

"Oh I'm doing great. Thanks Steve, hi everyone... Hi how's it goin'... Hi" Bruce was awkwardly waving at people. Thor put his god arm over him. 

"So is Loki, Val, and Heimdall coming?" Steve asked while going off to fill bowls with chips. "Oh yeah, Heimdall will be here soon. Val is in the car already drinking.. I think she passed out. Loki is still getting ready at home, he takes an eternity, my friend" Thor said while adjusting Bruce's crooked Kermit hat.

"Ha... Loki seems like a handful" Steve took the drinks and put them into the cooler. "You'd know, Rogers" Thor responded with a raised brow. Nat made a "Oooooo bitch gottem" face while cleaning her fake gun. She was dressed as Uma Thurman from Kill Bill. Steve raised his arms and started to gestured. "Hey, hey it's not my fault Loki wants to sleep with me. Besides he rejected me those six years ago so I'm sure he'd change his mind again" Steve defended.

Clint walked in the room dressed as Robin Hood. "Yea sure, Cap" he chuckled. Steve laughed. "Are-you-finished-setting-up-the-kids-party?" Steve asked while making sign language with his hands. Clint nodded. "Yea dad, everything is baby proofed for these very fragile 16 year olds" Clint assured. Steve gave him a thumbs up.

The door bell rang again. Sam went to go get it. "Oh hey little boy" Sam gestured Peter to come in. Peter was dressed as m as m as mort as morgan as mi as mmmmmmm as Morty from Rick And Morty. "Mr. Stark made me." Peter wanted to shoot a web in form of a noose but we can't have that can we.

Tony immediately barged in after him. He was Rick. "What's going on dudes!". Everyone ignored him. 

"Peter go upstairs, the party is going to start soon" Tony removed his sunglasses. Peter nodded, still wanting to fucking Spider-die. Clint guided Peter upstairs. 

Tony went to get a drink. "This place looks like trash". Literally nobody is listening.

The door rang and Sam nyoomed again. He ain't quitting. In from the door came Heimdall, dressed as literal Jesus, and Val, dressed as a Viking. Thor stood up from his chair. "Hey you guys made it! Where's Loki".

"Outside talking to that old man that fucks him on the phone, I don't know and I don't care. I'm high as fuck boy move" Val moves past him towards the alcohol. "Hey I think we can start the party now" Steve called out. Clint gets the ax chord and connects it to the lap top they've added the music to. When it connects My Neck My Back starts playing. Steve is flabbergasted. "No!"

Clint quickly changed the song. Oh wow Usher, that's how you start a party. Sam opens the door just for Loki to enter. He's dressed as Brinty Spreas from the Hit Me Baby One More Time video. That bitch a hoe. "I brought margarita mix" Loki stuffed it onto Sam.

"Bucky get out of your room." Steve knocked. Bucky wouldn't come out. "No I look fucking dumb".  
"Come oon.. it's a costume party, that's the point!" Steve leans on the door. "Fine" Bucky calls back. The door knob started turning and Steve moved out of the way so that Bucky could pass. Wow he was spooky. Bucky was wearing some MCR shirt with black pants and red converse, he had a cap and fake vampire teeth. BLAH. Sam started laughing like a bird. 

"You see, you look cute now come greet guests" Steve took grumpy by the hand and into the living room revealing that Rhodes dressed as Robocop was already there too. It was getting crowded already. The door was kicked open by The Guardians Of The Galaxy. "We brought booze, assholeees" Quill called out. Gamora apologized for the door.

Gamora had Shrek ears, Nebula was unhappily dressed as a Smurf, Rocket was a wittle bunny, Groot was a spooky tree, Mantis was TinkerBell, Drax was a WWE wrestler, and Quill was Hasselhoff. They're ready to get fucking wasted. Groot went up to the kiddos party. Rocket agreed to watch the kiddos for the whole night so he followed.

"Whoa big house!" Scott as Captain Kirk walked in looking around. "Hey Cap, you're still so extremely handsome wow!" Scott probably was high before entering. Hope followed behind him dressed as a bee costume she found at Walmart. She found out about this party 10 minutes ago.

Soon the building was filled with people. And Usher was still playing.


	2. Phase: Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Large bold letters saying 8:49 PM on screen*

Steve goes in the kitchen and grabs a Coke from the cooler. The building has already gotten full. "Hey guys, how's it going here?" Steve asked the people hanging in the kitchen next to the food bar. 

"It's going great, Rogers" Thor replied while aiming the spoonful of salad towards Bruce's mouth. He missed. "Fine. Thanks Steven" Stephen replied. He was dressed as that squirrel rat old monk dude thingy from TMNT. Lol. He just sat there. Chilling.

"Cool, call if you guys need me" Steve said before leaving. He caught glimpses of people at the party. Scott was running around in circles. He's been doing this for 23 minutes. At least everyone was getting along though. Every time a group of superheroes were all together, they'd be fighting. 

Steve stepped outside to where Nat and Sharon were standing.

Bucky and Sam were inside, already clearly drunk. Bucky, giggling madly "Yeah they amputated my arm! with no anesthesia!! I still get nightmares!!" They both giggled loudly. "You wouldn't-" He snorted, "BELIEVE the shit I've seen" He giggles, "I shot Kennedy!!" they laugh so hard the rest of the party goes silent. 

The party got loud again. Bucky nudged Sam. "Sam, pstt Sam c'mere, closer Sam c'mere i-its Its funny.." Sam leans in.  


Bucky whispers. "His head just did that". They both start dying from laughter. "I shot Kennedy!" Bucky yelled. "Why didn't you shoot Reagan??" Sam yelled back. Giggling Bucky, sobbing "Why DIDN'T I shoot Reagan???". Scott stumbled towards both of them. "Both of you are fuckin' NUTS, I respect that. Hey any of you guys want cocaine?" Scott asked before falling on the coffee table.

Clint and Loki were in the corner 5 feet apart. They hate each-other so fucking much cus' they got beef. But somebody with a microphone chord trailing throughout the whole building stood with them. "Oh hey guys".

"Hey Peter" said Clint turning off his hearing aid. "Good evening Quill" Loki said taking the sip of his drink. "Cool costumes you guys got going there. Clint with your Robin Hood outfit ha that's clever and Loki! Wow, Britney Spears? that's rad... Hit Me Baby One More Time right? Ha-HA what a classic" Quill kept blabbering. 

Clint looked at Loki then to Quill. "I'm going to go check what Bruce is doing, bye" Clint only wanted an excuse to get the fuck out of there. Quill and Loki stood there together alone. Loki blew into his cigarette.

"Soooo Loki, you're a god right? That's cool... got any hobbies you like doing?" Quill wanted to break the silence. "No"

Quill and Loki looked up to the commotion where Thor was chugging the huge alcohol bin. Loki rolled his eyes. "Ugh they think every thing he does is so great". "Yea I mean he's not even that hot I bet it's just because of his accent" Quill went on. 

Loki looked up at Quill after noticing the thing they had in common. Loki had hungry eyes. Quill looked back at Loki as well. "Hey so uh wanna go sit down?" Quill suggested, mouth open. Loki bit his lip. "Yea". They both headed for the couch where Drax, Nebula, and Mantis were sitting down watching Shrek.

"Ey Black Pant here!!!" Somebody called out. In walked in T'challa dressed as Simba with Nakia as Nala and M'baku as the baboon walking behind him. Shuri went upstairs, dressed as a hit-man (her guns may or may not be real and loaded). Okoye was dressed as Grace Jones but she stayed at the front porch. She didn't give a fuck. Val stood there too. Hmm.

It wasn't until the DJs; Nick Fury and Maria, both dressed as Mace Windu and Tomb Raider, put on Bad Romance, everyone went fuckin' NUTS. Every Avenger gave a look to each other from many different points in the party. They all nodded. They were gonna fuck shit up.

"Avengers.. Assemble" said Steve. They all got in their formation, Bruce at the front. He was nervous because he hasn't done this since 2012.

And they did. They fucked shit up. 

Bruce cramped his whole fucking body at the end so he had to back to sitting down. "Hey Thor I'm gonna go back to the kitchen". "Oh alright, love, I'll catch you there" Thor said distracted with the hype. Bruce nodded, he was expecting Thor to follow him but okay.

"Vision.. what are you doing?" Wanda asked in the corner she was in. She was being trapped by Vision, dresses as a slutty Christmas tree, in a t-pose. He wouldn't move. "Wanda". "Vision-move" Wanda was in a frighten. Vision stayed there. Staring at her. Wanda started crying. She is so scared. 

Meanwhile on the couch, Drax, Mantis, and Nebula were very focused on the viewing of Shrek (2001). Drax started tearing up. They were at the scene where Shrek was venting to Donkey while looking at the stars. Shit was deep. At the other side of the couch, there was Quill and Loki. Just talkin'.

"Hey so... daddy issues haha am I right?" Quill was nervous as shit. Loki is like so hot to him, like he wants to mega smash this hoe so hard... On the other hand, Loki thought Quill was a literal HUNK like look at those pecks.. that's fucking HOT. They both wanted to fuck each other pronto but they decided to drink more. 

Thor attracted attention to the living room. He had a mic in his hand connected from the TV screen. "Alright alright guys, one song" Thor was wasted. Literally EVERYONE was in the living room to support Thor. Even Rocket brought the kids down from upstairs to watch. "You guys ready?"

The first chords of the song started. "I GOT A POCKET GOT A POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE I GOT A LOVE AND I KNOW THAT IT'S ALL MINE OH OH WHOAOO" Thor only knew the lyrics to this song because Loki used to blast this in the car along with Brinty Spreas music. "TAKE ME AWAY A SECRET PLACE A SWEET ESCAPE TAKE ME AWAY". Bruce's tears were louder than the sty-lings of Thor singing the song that was in the soundtrack for Igor (2008).

From outside you can hear all the noise. There was Agent Ross and Agent Coulson dressed as The Super Mario Bros. Nobody cares though I just wanted to clarify this lol.

Inside, with all the Thor screaming, Steve was drunk. So drunk. "Dude. Dude come on! Dude! Let me tell you. Dude" He was just bothering poor random people. "T'challa.. Yes it's true.. I can tap dance" Steve grabbed his left boob. He's laughing hysterically. T'challa is uncomfortable. He doesn't care. T'challa came just to be nice. "Ha HAA.. Love your costume T'challa... NAAAAAAAAAAAATZAAAAAAA BEEEEEEEEEEEEEENYAAAAAAAAAAAA I GOT AN ITCH ON MY BALLS!!!" Steve started to sing. T'challa nope'd and turned around. He left him.

Scott was now pant-less, he was flirting with an anthill outside. He actually tried to fuck it eventually, Hope had to stop his screaming and pushed him into the pool. He stayed there for a while. 

Stephen was in the kitchen showing some magic tricks to Bruce to cheer him up. Stephen doesn't have any other feeling than "You're annoying" so he just wanted to help. 

"TAKE ME AWAAY" Thor was still singing.

"Okay let me get this straight, you're a wizard right?" Clint stood beside Bruce in the kitchen, talking to Stephen who was floating in the air. "I'm a sorcerer" Stephen replied. "What's the difference?" Bruce asked. Stephen's feet met the floor and he threw himself out the window. 

Rhodey was going to go take a wiz until he opened the bathroom door just to see Scott trying to suck off a mannequin of Captain America. "Dude. What the fuck" Rhodey's mouth was open. "Oh hey Rodney, don't mind me and Cap, we're just taking a break" Scott said as he caressed the mannequins nipples. Rhodey's mouth was still open. "Hey Cap want a sip?" Scott pulled out a caprison out of nowhere and tried to put the straw in mannequins Steve's mouth. "Move aside" someone said as they pushed past Rhodey into the bathroom. It was Bucky. "Steve...." Bucky looked torn and betrayed. Rhodey left.

You wouldn't believe how wild the dance floor got. Everything was so vulgar. Thor dry humped his hammer, Drax tried to wall twerk but ended up breaking Tony's bookshelf, and Sam was fucking breaking it down to Usher, being replayed like 80 times by Nick Fury. 

Steve rolls in with roller skates, he has fire works in his hands. "Help me put these up Sam" he almost fell over as he stopped rolling. "Why?" Sam says. "For America" Steve did a pose. "This is illegal" Sam says again. "Sam. I am going to say this once. But fuck the government". Sam is tearing up. Steve said fuck and he meant it. "Baby, you right" Sam sobs.

Man! I Feel Like A Woman! came on and Clint just.... turns it out...

Loki and Quill are still chilling on that sofa. Loki sniffs as he looks at his ripped skirt. "Haha... You're kinda hot" Quill gets closer to Loki. Loki sniffles. "Oh no whats wrong baby" Quill frowns. "Nothing... nothing... it's just this outfit is Gucci and-" "Say no more, what can I do" Quill puts a finger to Loki's non existent lips. "Can you just suck on my titties a little.." Loki looked like a kid being shy about asking for candy. Quill though.. he certainly was gonna give Loki that candy. He didn't suck Loki's titties on that couch but he jerked his mouth toward Loki's, brutally making out. It was disgusting. The people sitting on the couch immediately got up and left as Loki climbed onto Quill's lap. Scott walked by and took a picture of them. "Nice" Scott nodded as his scratched his crotch which was stained. He really was walking around pants-less.

"Let's all jump into the pool!" Steve yells as he flops in. Like 10 people follow. Bucky jumped in but his metal arm dragged him onto the bottom of the pool. He chilled there for a while. "Guys watch out! Here comes Pointbreak!" Thor yells as he gestures people to get out the way. He makes a run for it and cannonballs in, splashing literally the whole fucking patio. "Ahhhhhh" Thor is enjoying himself in that pool until... 

Blue liquid spread around from under Thor to throughout the whole pool like ink. People are screaming. Tony built this thing where when you pee it turns your urine blue. "Aw come one man there's like 9 bathrooms here! That's gross" Sam swims as he struggles to leave the pool. "It's not even warm, It's hot!"

Nat talks to Sharon inside aside the pool table. Tony is holding one of those pool sticks and aiming his hands towards Nat's ass. He gives a pathetic smack to her booty and she turns around and smacks that ugly face of his back. Tony is unconscious.

"TAKE ME AWAAAAAY A SECRET PLAAAACE"

Natasha and Sharon left and stood at the side of the party, leaning against a wall as they talked to each other. “Heyy, ladies.” The two turned to see Tony walking up to them again, the mark Nat left on his face is visible, he very obviously is drunk. He started to reach his hand toward Natasha’s ass. Again. 

The Kill Bill sirens went off suddenly, and before Tony could even touch her, Natasha grabbed his wrist with both hands and threw him through the window they were standing under. She and Sharon watched him fall forty stories and land with several loud cracks on the sidewalk below. 

Sharon turned to Natasha. “Babe, that was hot as fuck and I love you.” They left to go make out.

Steve, Bucky, and Sam, all soaked, were in the yard trying to ready the fireworks Steve had mentioned earlier. And


	3. Phase: Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Large bold letters saying 12:30 AM on screen*

Heimdall, anticipating the fireworks, went out to the porch to see the light show with the Wakandans.

Steve, Sam, and Bucky lit up the first fireworks. Each one lit up a firework at the same time.

Sam's went first, he brought one of those cheap ass fireworks that just pop and scare you for no color.

Steve's went up second, his went up in a cascade of colors, it obviously blew up in red, white, and blue which he got custom made from The Guardians.

Then went Bucky's, his blew up like a fucking bombs in the sky, there was like 10 heart stopping pops, his fireworks were definitely illegal in America, probably snuck them from Russia. Bruce had a fucking heart attack. Thems mfs was started to assemble and shit.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT", Scott ran out the house with a rifle gun and his pants down thinking Bucky's fireworks were attacks, where did he get a gun, why does he own a gun.

Thor blew into the kitchen, his deep ass needed some food. The Wakandans were one step ahead of him, all chillin' in the kitchen. "There's nothing man, only some stale ass chips and salsa" Falcon says in the midst of the Wakandans, robed in one of their traditional dresses. "Why are you wearing that... and those chips have been out there for like a week." Thor is pacing, M'Baku still eating chips cus mf hungry.

"I became a Wakandan citizen, well what we gonna eat..." Wakandans lookin' ready to leave. Thor blocks the door, "Wait! I know a guy..." he doesn't know a guy hes just stalling for time.

He scurries out the room, grabs Scott and goes "Please, I need help, I only have 69 cents and we're gonna run out of food and...". Scott slaps Thor, "Don't worry I know a guy."

"Aaayye! Scott, man how's it been?", Luis was on the phone."I need a favor from you, we food, lots of food... can you help me out?"

"Pssh come on man you know me I always got the hook ups. Say, I know this guy's uncle who owns a chimi truck down where you at and it's wild man cus' like I've known him for years bro and he always been playing shi like Pitbull Calle Ocho and-"

"Look we don't have much time, when can he be here." "That's the thing man, food trucks got a curfew now since they kept blastin' music late at night. You gotta smuggle it."

Scott and Thor had to sneak around cops hulling around a giant ass chimi truck. It was the final stretch and one cop car was parked at the turn to the gate.

WEWU WEWU WEWU, the chimi truck alarm went of, Thor jumped out the car immediately and booked it to the house, Scott's seat-belt buckle got stuck and had to take one for the team.

"Scott? Is that you?"

"Agent Woo... Oooh nice to meet you, what are you doing around here!?!"

"Heard reports of possible Hydra-made fireworks or a shooting or something and I came to investigate. But I see your driving a chimi truck late at night, are you aware that your breaking the law and maybe-" Scott kissed Woo, Woo pushed him off. "Just go, Scott." 

Scott had to do it so he wasn't kept up in jail all night, that place scary aaf. 

TOOT TOODULU TOOT TOODULU TOOT TOOT TOOT "Food has arrived!!"

Thor passes a chimi to everyone. "Can have I have a vegan chimi?" M'Baku asked. "No, but I have a vegan Big Mac?" Thor reaches the burger out of his pocket. "Aight this good bruh". "This is how you eat a Big Mac my homie" and as M'Baku is about to take a bite T'Challa slaps that mfing frozen Krabby Patty lookin' ass plant sandwich out of his crackhead hands. This was BDSM to them so they started making out.

Dr. Strange does his strange hand signs to gesture he wants ketchup. The Wakandans mistake this for gang signs. This happened to Drax once.

"Hey you want to take this to the bedroom?" asks Quill as he pulls away from Loki's mouth that smells like starbucks and celery. "k". They both go to the bedroom and close the door. They aggressively start to make out again and eat their whole faces. Bitch they look like aliens. Quill manages to take his shirt off and Loki helps with his pants. Once Quill is in his boxers he tries to work Loki's shirt off until he feels something in his stomach. He throws up on Loki. 

It becomes silent for like 6 seconds. Loki is trying to comprehend what just happened. Quill is like "Oh fuck". Loki starts to scoff and has an MTV tantrum. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THIS SHIRT WAS GUCCI". 

"I'M SORRY_" "DON'T TEXT ME" Loki gets up and storms out of the room, leaving Quill all exposed. "Yoooooo dude, why's your cum so chunky?" asked Bucky as he looks into the room.

Bucky says "я чувствую запах как дерьмо, и я никогда не чищу зубы, но я умру за Сэм или Стив за секунду" and Natasha starts crying.

She says "вы не заслуживаете называть себя геем, вы, язычники".

bucky says "Cука блять". Scott wanders over to them and says "I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying anyone know where the tops are".

Someone shouts "No tops over there Scott" and Nat throws a knife at them, killing them instantly.

Loki sat as he tried to put on his new costume. He was changing in front of everyone but I mean Scott was running around in his stained briefs so does it really matter? And the bathroom was hogged because Thor is trying to send Bruce nudes in the bathroom even though they are in the same building and the bathroom door was wide open. 

Loki finally got up to show off his slutty leather costume. 

Loki's phone got a notif, It's from Bucky. "Hey girl, you're not gonna believe what someone posted in the Tower's Snapchat Geofence..." Bucky was Loki's goth bff, but what hurts more is that the person who doesn't get along with Loki and vice-versa, is best friends with Bucky too. Mad drama. "Tell me" Loki texted back.

"Just check the story lmao"

Loki knew Bucky was so fucking wasted so he didn't really ask for more info, he'll just see for himself. Bucky's use of the word "girl" was already off anyways. Loki swiped through his cracked Iphone X Plus to get to the Tower's Geofence. He skipped a whole bunch of snaps. The majority was some drunk dog filter selfies, others were videos of people in the high pitched filter, laughing at the screen, and a whole story of Thor twerking on the floor. Some snaps from upstairs where the kids are were there too. It's just vids of them teaching Rocket how to Fortnite dance. But then, finally Loki found a snap that caught his eye. The snap's timing ended in 3 seconds so he went on and screenshotted.

It was a snap made by @Hawkeyeyeehaw, in black screen with rainbow letters saying "That tall grease bitch is making out with the most trash dudes I swore that Star Douche or wtvr threw up on him LMAO" then some emojis. That's when Loki got the fuck up and went asking people where this bitch was at.

They got beef.

But they've always had beef, you see ever since 2012 Clint would of never hesitated to pull Loki's hair off of his scalp. Every time they meet they throw hands like some gays at a bar. There's videos of them on IG having some cat fights, and they're both wild too. 

"Hey have you seen the hawk bitch" Loki asked Thor. "Brother I said no beef at the party" Thor is pouring himself a fresh glass of breast milk, and his toes are out. "Yea, and I answered no" Loki grabbed the glass and threw it at Tony's head, leaving Tony with another injury. "Damn, I guess you're right. Alright I saw him with the Buckle outside" Thor started boiling some koolaid as he grabbed the poptarts. Loki walked out of the kitchen.

He looked down at his phone and started to text Bucky on IG. "Bitch y didnt u tell me his ass was with u" then a couple of mad emojis. "u never asked wym"

"ok wtvr my ass is gonna be over there in 2 seconds, where r u"  
"in the lawn"  
"*gun emojis*"

Loki soon got out to the back patio and then to the grass, seeing the wave of supers and then he spotted Bucky's hair, and that BITCH next to him.

Loki magically has a mic and a wire and walks forward. "STOP TALKING TRASH ABOUT ME" he says into the mic. Bucky frowns and Clint just sips his drink as he watches Loki come forward like the dramatic bitch he is. 

"Oh please, bitch. How do you even know the snap is about you?" Clint says as everyone goes quiet, people already have their snapchats going. "Bitch who else at this party 6'7?"

"K well not sorry bitch"  
"You will be bitch"  
"Nope" 

Loki gets closer and disregards the mic to the floor. "Listen here cowgirl farm-boy yeehaw hay eating dirty blonde nerf arrow baring twunk" everyone around there was going nuts at that. "Keep my goddamn fucking name out of your mouth". Loki was literally so close. 

Clint was thinking about letting this go anyways. He didn't want to start shit at this party, that's the least he wants to do. He hates fighting sometimes, and unnecessary gay drama. Until. 

"Or I'll make your eyes not work either" 

That was when the extra comment Loki made had a huge impact, Clint quickly took of his hearing aid, gave it to Bucky, and took a fucking swing at Loki, and he didn't miss. 

"Gay fight!" Somebody yelled, it had to be Luis. 

Both bottoms were pulling on each-others hair, swinging and decking in the process. But Bucky had to stop this. 

"Guys STOP" Bucky got in the middle. "I hate to see two of my great friends fight each other like this, we're gay bottoms, we have to have solidarity" this had so many people in the crowd tearing up and choking. Deep af. 

Clint looked at Bucky then to Loki and Loki looked at Bucky then to Clint. They all knew Bucky been right. Why are they fighting like this when they can help eachother steal some straight girls bf. They all smile and share a hug. Thanks for watching Disney Channel. 

Meanwhile inside is pretty lame.

Tony has always had a thing for Pee Oh Cee, he thinks they're hot, and he's such a woke king he would totally date them. At the party he saw the other snark snark, Dr. Stephen Strange, an Asian twink who got his powers for being gay. The hands thing was a lie. 

That twink was hot, but the thing is, Stephen is also always unimpressed, having a conversation with him is like trying to convince your old dog that has no motivation to go outside. Stephen will literally straight up tell you he doesn't care about the topic your bringing up, and meanwhile Tony finds that hot, he wants to smash so he's gonna have to work real hard. 

Besides, Tony is super interesting and intellectual. He watches The Big Bang Theory. 

Tony tries to cover up the injuries from past incidents at the party, he's changed his costume to look like Leonardo DiCaprio from The Wolf Of Wallstreet. He's ready to make his go. 

He sees Stephen across the room looking at a safety manual. His cat ears, or whatever kind of animal Master Shredder is, looks so cute on him. Bazinga. 

"Here we go Stark. Let's show him your charm"

Tony approaches Stephen. "Hey, from a scale from one to America how free are you tonight? ;)"  
"North Korea" Stephen walks away.

Tony is left there in awe. He's so aroused. Not for long because he suddenly got smashed by toilet which dropped through the ceiling.

And to Stephen, he literally just wants to leave by now. Until suddenly a monstrous figure appears before him. It is Benedict Cumberpatch. Benefits Coordination. Bendydick Cabagepatchkids. Barnacle Constipation. 

"Hello my name is Dr. Stephen Strange, not magical American Sherlock, and I am here to warn about the future" the creature speaks and his levitating stops and his feet reaching the ground. Asian Stephen looks at him. His face is blank. 

This is serious. This is bad. 

Stephen looks at the morphed caucasian man dressed in cultural appropriation. And he offers his hand. Benedril Cooperation grins and is about to take his hand until the real Asian Dr. Stephen Strange magically spawns a cosmic gun. 

"No shit Sherlock."

Asian Strange shoots him in the face and watches the body flop to the ground. The body morphs into a green goblin looking figure. 

"Yo, the fuck was that man?" Sam puts his drink down to take a picture of the body. "It was a skrull" Stephen takes a sip of his drink and walks away. 

Asian Strange saved everyone at the party. Gay rights.


	4. Phase: Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Large bold letters saying 2:06 AM on screen*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The introducting of villains was all of kates

After they throw the Bandersnoodle Concavewich skrull bitch thing in the dumpster out back, they hear a knock at the door. They all look at each other in confusion.

"I thought everyone was already here," says Clint. "They are," Steve says, but opens the door anyway because he's just that kinda guy.

"Hey mind if we join the party?"

Steve goes into fight or flight and chooses fight, he punches that motherfucker in the face because that's fucking Alexander Pierce what the fuck is he doing here. And that's fucking Ultron standing right next to him oh my god its ALL the villains, who's the chucklefuck that invited them?

"I invited them," Tony says. God what a dick.

"Why would you do that," Steve asks, fuming.

Tony shrugs. "Why didn't you ask if you could have a party in my tower?"

"Oh my god this is why no one likes you!" Steve picks up the ugly potted plant next to the door and throws it at Tony, where it shatters into a million pieces against his head. Steve turns to the villains and plasters a smile on his face. "Come—in!" he says through gritted teeth.

The villains all come in and the party screeches to a halt, even the music stops with that record scratching sound effect even though it's on spotify premium. There's Ultron and Vulture and Ronan and some like ice guy and a bald dude—no wait that's TWO bald dudes—and something that looks like a spiky Hulk and ok you can stop now I KNOW you're just making up villains now. Seriously a purple grape looking thumb looking bitch, who comes up with this shit.

Justin Hammer strolls in last, his arm around some fucking twink buried in his phone. "Hey, party people! This is my boyfriend, Dustin Screwdriver."

Dustin doesn't look up. He's so fucking bored. Justin told him they were going to a club.

"Did you know I'm the first canonically gay MCU character?" Justin tells Bucky.

"I have homophobia now," Bucky says.

"Ha, loser, I didn't need them to be homophobic, I was ALREADY homophobic,' Tonky says. Who the fuck asked.

"Weren't you trying to flirt with doctor strange before?" Sam asks.

"Hey, I said no homo so it doesn't count!"

Bucky looks at the previous chapter even though hes illiterate and eats dirt. "No you didn't."

"It was off-screen! Besides Justin tried to seduce me once to get my industry secrets and I wasn't even tempted not once so ha."

"Your password is shawarma," Justin smirks. He had Tony wrapped around his finger that night. There was high heels and lipstick involved.

"I'll, uh, be right back." Tony runs off probably tripping over his shoelaces that someone had tied together.

Bruce decides to try to get out in the party and have fun. He takes a deep breath and walks out of the kitchen and immediately sees spiky Hulk. "Huh, nope fuck this," Bruce nopes back into the kitchen and melts into a wall. He's gonna stay there for a while.

The cool villains—Hela, Killmonger, Vulture, and Ghost—are doing shots with the Wakandans. None of them actually want to be here right now. Vulture kinda wants to go upstairs and pick a fight with Peter. He doesn’t have a reason, Peter’s face is just super punch-able.

Tony looked at Loki. Up and down. "Can I help you?" Loki asked him. Tony smirked then finally opened his mouth to speak.

"This fic is so beautifully stupid. I somehow manage to pay attention to the plot despite the glaring grammatical errors. The writing is just bad. You write sentence fragments as much as actual sentences. There is a misspelled word in every paragraph. Often, you use do not distinguish between present or past tense. I'd talk about your misuse of commas, but you don't use them at all. You fail to do your job as a writer, which is to intrigue the reader. You need to keep the reader interested and you didn't do that. You instead laid out the plot, paragraph by paragraph. It just kept going on and on. A story lures the reader in and makes them ask questions and wonder about the next chapter. What you did was write a script for a shitpost. But before you can do any of that, you need to use proper grammar. So, start editing your work, and get someone to peer-edit afterwards, and then self-edit again. Then, maybe your writing might not be such an eyesore"

Loki took a huge gulp of his drink and set it down. He cleared his throat then- slammed Tony in the face with his bare hand. That left Tony's face with another injury, Loki's hand print. "Damn that was sexy" said Tony as he rubbed the burn on his face.

"EVERYONE CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION" Steve called out after standing on the centerpiece table in the middle of the living room. "PLEASE" nobody quieted down. "SHUT THE FUCK UP" Sam yelled while Bucky started hitting some glass cup until it shattered. Everyone immediately brought their attention to Steve. "Thanks Sam. Oh and you too Buck. Is everyone having a super awesome time tonight?" Steve said out. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO" People at the party yelled. "Hell yeah!" "Sick party!" "My wife left me!"

"Good good-" Steve kept getting interrupted by more shouts. "You're the best dude!"

"No dude, you are!" Steve yelled back.

"Now, it is midnight, and I wanna say is- wait what was that Nat?". The whole party turned around to put eyes on Nat who was in the back, gesturing Steve about something. "I was just trying to tell you that it's 2 am". Everyone gave a big "Oh" then turned back to Steve. "Well, thanks for that Nat, everyone give it up to the Black Widow guys, isn't she great?" Steve got the whole party to look back to her again then start clapping. She smiled and mouthed a couple thank yous.

"Alright Nat calm down this isn't the Nat show" Steve panned and Nat flipped him off then went to go get a drink.

"Cool, alright guys so I just wanted to announce that one of our neighbors has called the police on us-" The party started shouting an ensemble of "UGH"s and "AWE"s and "OOF"s. Steve closed his eyes. "Yeah yeah I know, it sucks-"

"I can't go back to jail!"

"Yeah buddy same here, so let's try and make it our biggest enforcement to make our party family friendly!" Steve suggested. "How in the hell are we going to do that, Captain?" Said T'Challa. "That- I don't know, that's why I'm up here. I want you guys to give me suggestions".

"We could.." someone in the crowd got Steve's attention. "Yeah? Who said that?" everyone searched around to see that the voice was coming from Bruce. "I said we could stop and get rid of all the alcohol?" Bruce smiled and looked around to see who's with him. "BOOOOOOOO" everyone started to boo him, even Thor, and Bruce had stuff thrown on him.

"GUYS STOP, Bruce are you alright? Everyone leave him alone, at this point his idea might be the only valid one so give him a break!" Steve went up to Bruce and guided him back to the kitchen. Steve returned back on top of the table. "Anymore ideas?"

"We could make more balloons?"

"Well...."

"We could bake a cake"

"I don't know if that would help-"

"We could lower down the music"

"Maybe-"

"We could get rid of that weird painting of Tony in the hallway"

"God, I wish"

"We could try and listen to appropriate music"

"Could be-"

"We could all treat each other like civilized human beings"

"Okay no."

"We could bring the kids downstairs"

"I don't thin-" "Wait, who said that" Steve paused then desperately looked for the person who had spoke. "It was me, Cap." Cap looked over to see Clint pointing at himself as he leaned against the wall. "We could bring the kids downstairs for a while, make it seem like this party is PG13 then when the coast is clear, we bring them back up" Clint budded his fake cigarette Bucky made as a drunk gift for him 10 minutes ago. Steve is in shock, but happy shock.

"Clinton Barton, why didn't you say anything before if all you spout is amazing ideas?" Steve put his hands on his hips. Clint shrugged. "Nobody ever fucking listens to me" Steve smiled, a big toothy one. "Dude I'll repay you in anyway-" "Make out with me, Rogers. In 20 minutes"

"Uh, alright done. Well anyways, you guys heard Clint. The plan is to bring the kids down for a while til' everything clears up and the complaints have decreased. Any questions?" Cap looked around. "Yeah." Scott called the attention. "Captain America why don't you come down here and let me sit on your face" Scott tried to set his drink down but it fell on the floor.

"That's, not even a question. But anyway, we need to clear this party from anything that isn't child friendly. Dispose of the condoms, rid of the alcohol, check the music, hide the drugs, take Scott outside, do everything you can to make this a family rating" Steve said and as he did, everyone started pressing buttons which flipped tables inside out to switch the alcohol into juice boxes and cupcakes. These contractions were built by Tony, whenever the Avengers had a meeting, they'd get super fucking wasted and so they had to find a way to hide all the alcohol quickly before Thunderbolt Ross showed up.

Once everybody worked together to fix up the party, in just about 20 minutes everything was done. "Hey Cap everything is read-" Sharon went to tell Steven but looked up to see him and Clint making out real hard. She waited for them to finish. "Thanks Cap" Clint aggressively pulled away then started leaving to go get the kids. "No, thank you" Steve called back. "Oh hey Sharon."

"Hey Cap, I just came to say everything is ready and we can bring the kids down but I see Clint's already on that" Sharon smiled. "He sure is" Steve smiled back. "Alright everybody this is it! The kids are coming down at any moment so I don't want to hear no S words or A words or that god awful F word" Steve called out to everyone. "Ftony Stark?" Wanda asked. "No but yes, Wanda."

"THE KIDS ARE COMING DOWN EVERYBODY SHUT UP" Clint yelled over as he walked down with Shuri, Peter, and Groot. And Rocket following from behind. "Thank god I get a break, these kids don't know how to talk about anything other than mee-mees and the death of Jesus Christ" Rocket rubbed his furry head with his paw. "Thanks so much for covering, Rocket, who's a good boy now who's a good boy?" Cap pet Rocket's head. "If you need anything, like babysitting or whatever, Rocket is always here to comply" said Gamora.

"Thank god, I'm getting tired of taking care of kids y'know" Clint said as he gave a caprison to Peter. "No offense, Spider-Kid." "Non taken, every one's least favorite avenger."

"Oooh damn, that kid just earned my respect" Sam said as he gave a second caprison to Peter. "Well, these kid's aren't that bad, hell, could of been worse" Rocket smiled until Bucky walked in. "Hey guys where do we put the wee- OH SHIT A RAT" Bucky kicked Rocket out the window. They all watched Rocket fall 3 stories. Clint thought 'might as well' and also threw Tony out the window, 3 stories. 

Meanwhile, everyone in the party seemed to behave around 3 whole teenagers except they kept saying fuck!!!!

"Oh son of a salamander! There goes that disgusting word! I have to do all I can to block that insanity from these kid's ears" Steve said as he grabbed his shield. He started doing increasingly unrealistic acrobatics to prevent them from hearing the f word, his body contorting like a Rob Liefeld drawing and probably snapping his fucking spine. He punched and kicked and hoo-ya'd and slapped. Ka-pow! Soon, his last stop was at the elevator, so he got in there and stood next to some suspicious looking people. Toxic by Brinty Spreas started playing. They all stood in silence. "Anybody know what that smell is?"

Steve kicked the crap out of that guy then the other guy then it was a huge guy fight. He managed to leave all unconscious except one. "Who are you and why?" Cap asked then took the mask off the guy. Oh fuck it's Crossbones. "I thought I killed you in-" Cap took out a book and started flipping pages. "The 13th movie in the MCU and the 3rd installment in the Captain America franchise in 2016"

"I did but this right now is being written by the Russo brothers, you guys didn't invite us to your Marvel party so now you must suffer, GUYS LET'S GET THEM BUT NOT LIKE JUSTICE LEAGUE" Crossbones yelled out and once the elevator opened, all the villains started a formation and fought their heroes.

"Aw if it isn't Tony Stank" said Iron Monger as he got closer to that snark man. Following was Whiplash and The Mandarin.

"I defeated you losers, go away" Tony said as he sipped his liquor. "Not this time you handsome shit-bag" It was Justin damn Hammer and Dustin right beside him. "We came to claim our rights, baby do the thing" Justin gestured Dustin. Dustin pressed a button on his neck which suited him up from top to bottom, then on his arm appeared a gun. He pressed another button then silence. Tony stood waiting. Justin anticipated. In 6 seconds the gun immediately started shooting rapid light bullets aiming at Stark. "Hell yea Baby, kill this clown!" Tony tried to dodge as much as he could. He ducked down and suited up, then he looked over to Steve from the other side of the room. He and Steve gave each other scared but approving looks then nodded. Steve stood straight and put on his helmet.

"Avengers, assemble!..... and you other guys"

Every hero went into full combat mode, all suited up. It wasn't long before Bruce was even Hulked out.

Steve took on Redskull and Crossbones, Thor took on Hela and those goblin guys that nobody knows, The Guardians took on Ronan and Quill's dad, Dr. Strange took on Kaecilius and fucking Dormammu, Antman and Wasp took on bald guy and Ghost, T'Challa, Okoye, and Wakandans took on Killmonger and white men, Hulk took on spiky Hulk, Clint and Nat took on Ultron, Peter took on The Vulture, and Sam and Bucky took on Zemo. All this shit was illegal.

All this fighting commotion was heard outside by everyone, though it was hard to see what was going on inside but that didn't stop people and the News team to gather around and spectate. Journalists and News people alike stood affront of the building.

"Oh shit- Cap we have another problem here" Clint saw outside then called to Cap. "Holy smokes." "Yea." "What do we do?" They all looked at each other then to their surroundings, they don't have time for this, they're fighting the most evil and powerful threats in the universe.

"We need somebody to stall the news and journalists outside, we can't let them know we are crime fighting because The Accords says it's illegal and everyone, except Tony, will get arrested" Nat said as she combo'd with Clint and decked Ultron in the face. Scott stood there after turning human size again. He had an idea. "LUIS".

Luis ran in there confused but in the spirit. "Scotty, what's up man?" "Luis I need you, Kurt, and Dave to stall the reporters outside, I need you guys to stall them as long as you can." "We got you, Scotty. GUYS LET'S ROLL."

The Three Wombats headed to the door, and went outside. The News and journalists got louder at the sight of these three guys dressed as 3 different started pokemon, Dave; Squirtle, Kurt; Bulbasaur, and Luis as Charmander.

They immediatly got flocked. This was not going to be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole paragraph tony told loki was a copy and paste of a long comment i got for this fic and it was so fucking funny to read i swear


	5. Phase: Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi

im vision i am baby call 911


	6. Phase: Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pee is stored? In MY balls?

 

 

 

We last left off on Vision revealing that he is, in fact, baby. Call 911.

 

Back to Luis, TI, and that other dude, fighting off the press. The reporters viciously attack the trio like feral wolves, hoping for even the slightest glance into A-Tower, as reporting on even a crumb of the events taking place inside would get their individual news stations the highest ratings of the day. 

 

Luis finally speaks up against the brutal attacks when he catches TI's leg getting gnawed on by a seemimgly rabies infested reporter. "I have a perfectly good explanation as to why you can't get into A-Tower!"

 

"Why!?" a random reporter yells from amidst the crowd. The reporters begin to speculate aloud.

 

"Is there another attack!?"

 

"Does it have to do with aliens!?"

 

"Is there some secret mission being carried out that has to do with frogs, homosexuality, water, or all three!?!?" 

 

That reporter sounds suspiciously like Alex Jones.

 

Luis yells over the crowd "NO NO you've all got it wrong. I've got a perfectly good explanation as to why you guys can't enter the party..." And the sound of bongos could be heard as Luis went off into his story. 

 

🥁🥁🥁

 

"So, basically what happened is: Captain America's co worker, Tony, is about to be kicked out of the country for being a war criminal, right? And Tonky is all like to Cap:

 

'If you marry me I can't get kicked out the country.'

 

And Cap's like: 'Okay cool'

 

But they like actually don't like each other, right? So they're just pretending to be getting married so Tanny won't be kicked out because that's how it works and Captain America has America in his name, you can't get anymore American than that. So then-"

 

Luis is cut off by one of the reporters from the crowd, "Sir, not only is this story convuluted and unrelated, but I'm pretty sure it's the plot of The Proposal, 2009, starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock."

 

"Great movie, by the way!" Deadpool yells from the crowd- Wait why is Deadpool here this is the MCU not fox, can't they get sued--

 

ANYWAYS,

 

The three amigos look at each other in desperation, and Luis lets out a forced laugh. "Yeah, ha! Ya got me, that was made up, so what really happened is..." There goes them damn bongos.

 

🥁🥁🥁

 

"So, billions of years ago there were these beings called the Guardians of the Universe, right? Well from the green energy of willpower they created this power ring that grants anyone who gets it that power, right? 

 

So this cocky, handsome pilot named Hal Jordan finds it on the beach and he's all like:

 

'Oh shit a ring! I can sell this on ebay or sumthn'

 

But like, it's not just a ring, he's got powers now, and he can't take it off, so these weird lookin' alien dudes come down and they're all like 'You're apart of the green lantern Corps now' and Hal's all--"

 

"Sir, this is a McDonald's. Also, that's the plot of Green Lantern, 2011." Deadpool is heard shooting himself in the head in the background.

 

"Wait! McDonald's? How did we end up here? We were just in front of A-Tower a minute ago, and I was doing a pretty damn good job at holding the reporters off!"

 

The X-Con's look up to a screen nearby showcasing the news, that showed a big purple fuckhead with a gold gauntlet walking from the crowd, menacingly taking the spot Luis was standing in only moments ago in front of the crowd.

 

"Enough of this nonsense." The purple figure boomed, striking fear into the hearts of the reporters. Despite being a big purple bitch, he was in a full cop uniform, completed with the shades, gun, and handcuffs, although he clearly did not need either to book a crook. 

 

His squad surrounded him, also in their uniforms, the WEE WOO WEE WOO of the cop cars behind them a fading sound as the crowd wondered what their fate would be. "At the station we received over 200 calls, complaining about A-Tower taking up half the countries resources trying to power their party and feed their guests, so I decided to pay them a visit." He clenched his huge fucking gauntlet fist. Suddenly, a battering ram appeared from thing air. "Prepare the ram for battering."

 

The purple nurple turned from the crowd, but the sound of one brave, beet red republican conspiracy theorist asking, "Who are you?" gave him pause. The lavender menace looked over his shoulder with a smirk and responded:

 

"I am an eco terrorist, but more importantly, I am

 

**T**

**HANOS** "

 

And with that, he turned back towards the door. Tony crashes through a window yet again and lands face first on the pavement.

 

Back at McDonalds, all could be heard was the Russian guy saying "This will not look good on resume."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luis, eating a 20 piece McNugget: Lowkey Thanos's ass is kinda fat


	7. Phase: 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitch it's Thanos, yes I'm Thanos. This is Thanos? Yes, Miss Thanos. In my kingdom, with my Gauntlet on (How many Infinity Gems?) What? Six stones on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gabby: hey
> 
> Chris: https://www.brailletranslator.org/

BAD BOYS BAD BOYS.

Thanos, the big and bad, wearing a Blue Lives Matter flag, stands menacingly in front of the tower door. The reporters watch him in awe.

"YE YE, WHICH ONE OF YA'LL LACTATING CRAP SISSIES FUCKED MY COUSIN" Quill shouted, drunk as shit holding a rifle. At that moment a large BANG shook across the tower, alarms a-ringing, shits a-flinging, yeye headass a-singing.

"THERE'S A BREACH, THIS IS NOT A DRILL"

Cap is taking women, children, the elderly, the poor, disenfranchised, disabled and anyone else he could to evacuate. Thor is fortnite dancing with airpods in, "its probably a drill"

That's when they meet, there's one crackhead mf in the crowd stealing shit from the place, but little did he know he stole the heart of Loki Friggason. This man was Spider-Man villain, Quentin Beck AKA Mysterio. A failed actor who wants to kill straight white people for not letting him produce La La Land. Mysterio was so in awe of the sexyness of Loki that he was drooling. His stunning wardrobe and haircut said "You could find like three people that look like me hanging out in local gas station"

A midst the chaos Loki walks towards the man, and without hesitation, the man says something to Loki, "Wassaah mami, you want some dick?" 

Mysterio's hard, average sized penis imprint is showing, Loki's heart is throbbing, he doesn't know if its love or if hes high off of something.

Meanwhile, foot steps close in shaking the tower, and most of the Avengers prepare to fight. The Wakandans specifically chose to be support this fight cus they're not letting a bunch of crackheads watch their back. 

BOOM.

The door opens and Thanos, floating his fat, beefy hand around, "Ladies and gentalmen, we got em"

"Dam, why is Barney crashing our party" Hawkeye says as hes adjusting his hearing aids to see better.

"Take off your dam airpods" someone says to Hawkeye, Hawkeye replies "⠞⠁⠅⠑⠀⠞⠀⠓⠀⠊⠀⠎⠀⠝⠊⠛⠀⠛⠁⠎⠀⠇⠑⠛⠎". 

"Quiet!" Thanos claps, but not with his hands

 "I see you have like two bag of chips and about 300 comic book characters at this party....." Thanos starts as villain monologue music starts to play from Ebony Maw's soundcloud. "I want to fix that by killing all the minorities with just a dab of my gauntlet."

"I don't know what kinda shit he be on but can I get what he's having?" Valkyrie said as she threw her beer bottle and it hit Tony on the head. "I'm sorry, do you always interrupt when somebody is speaking?" Thanos glared. "By Odin's crab infested beard, do NOT speak to that queen that way you Yeezy shoe HIVE!" Thor threatened. 

"There is no thangs up in dis biatch fo' I, Thanos, tha grand Titan, will conquer dis jam as mah own fo' tha Instagrams live. Yo ass heathens do not know how tha fuck ta host a jam erectly n' dat burden has affected humanity. I shall dab all tha homies outta existence... n' tha lil white kid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Soon there is ghon be lil amunt of playas dat tha 2 bagz of chips is ghon be leftovers. I be straight, I be purple, n' I be THANTOS. I choked Loki wit mah own palm fo' realz. And I have no dick yo. Hither before me fools!" 

"Yo tf did he just say" Killmonger yells out. Like 5 people turn to him and shrug. 

There is only one way to battle this out. Thor grabs a mic and some timbs. "Yo Thanos, try and match my bars, son!" Thor called out to Thanos holding the mic. Fury from the DJ table laid down a beat. Oh it was on like Donkey Kong.

Thor took a couple moments while everyone around him tried to gas him up. "LES GO THOR" You hear a crowd of Wakandans yell. Thor finally was ready.

"Yeah, yeah Ayo, Thanos' witch ass, it's time. It's time, Thanos' witch ass (aight, Thanos' witch ass, begin). Straight out the Big dungeons of rap. The bit drops deep as does my bit. I never Snap, 'cause to Snap is the Brother of remit. Beyond the walls of Avengers, life is defined. I think of Defeating Thanos when I'm in a New York state of mind. Hope the split got some fit. My remit don't like no dirty wit. Run up to the pit and get the hit. In a New York state of mind. What more could you ask for? The Purple bit? You complain about Resources. I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the remit. I'm rappin' to the age, And I'm gonna move your sage. Yeezy shoe lookin' ass, Bald, Crackhead, like a bit Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a pit. I can't take the Resources, can't take the ame. I woulda tried to Choke I guess I got no frame. I'm rappin' to the sage, And I'm gonna move your age. Yea, yaz, in a New York state of mind. When I was young my Brother had a pit. I waz kicked out without no hit. I never thought I'd see that split. Ain't a soul alive that could take my Brother's remit. A Wack Gauntlet is quite the gantlet. Thinking of Defeating Thanos. Yaz, thinking of Defeating Thanos (Defeating Thanos)." 

And when Thor rapped his last line, he folded his arms and stared straight into Thanos' eyes with a smirk. Everyone cheered like crazy. Thanos got bitched. 

"That. Was trash" Thanos declared and everybody boo'd. "I can do so much better than that shit, LAY OUT A BEAT" and just by that, another beat was laid.

"May I have your attention please? I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid) To Snap everyone out of existence. (to Snap everyone out of existence.) Everybody (everybody) Come take my Hand. (come take my Hand.) We'll walk through Galaxy together, through the storm Whatever weather, cold or warm My Dick is Sweaty, Foreskin Greasy, Sausage are Smelly There's food on my Gauntlet already, Daughter's Mom's Spaghetti i'm nervous, but on the surface I looks calm and ready to Snap everyone out of existence., But I keeps on forgetting what I wrote down, And I am, The big and bad If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? In the paper, the news everyday I am Radio won't even play my jam 'Cause I am, The big and bad If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? In the paper, the news everyday I am I don't know it's just the way I am You better Conquer planets for peace. You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to Snap everyone out of existence. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo You better Conquer planets for peace. You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to Snap everyone out of existence. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo So lets go back Follow the Wakandan Trails as we go on another episode Journey with me as I take you through Galaxy I once used to call home sweet home Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the Titan now And when I'm gone, just Snap everyone out of existence., don't mourn Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my Sweaty Dick Just know that I'm looking down on you Snapping And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain Just Conquer planets for peace. And when I'm gone, just Snap everyone out of existence., don't mourn Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my Greasy Foreskin Just know that I'm looking down on you Killing And mine didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain Just Conquer planets for peace. in your Gauntlet."

Thanos flipped his Yankees cap as he finish.

"Dude was that Eminem" Sam asked. He would know because Eminem schooled him in that movie. "No it was mine, and I clearly win" Thanos replied.

"Wait!" You hear the voice of a woman. She walks into the room, dressed as Wonder Woman. She is blonde and powerful.

It is Captain Marvel. Carol Danvers, lesbian.

"Sorry I'm late. Thanos you will NOT get passed my bars, STUD. I'm a 90s BITCH" Carol called out. She brought the mic towards herself and Fury already had the beat, indeed, laid.

THREE. TWO. ONE. 

"The Faster drops deep as does my Harder. I never Fly, 'cause to Fly is the Nick Fury of larder. Beyond the walls of Cats, life is defined. I think of Saving the galaxy when I'm from a Kree planet. Hope the disaster got some pastor. My alabaster don't like no dirty aster. Run up to the master and get the plaster. From a Kree planet. What more could you ask for? The Wack Faster? You complain about Men trying to get with me. I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the aster. I'm rappin' to the rat, And I'm gonna move your at. Wack, Wack, Wack, like a Stronger Boy, I tell you, I thought you were a fishmonger. I can't take the Men trying to get with me, can't take the shoe. I woulda tried to Beam I guess I got no blue. I'm rappin' to the at, And I'm gonna move your rat. Yea, from a Kree planet. When I was young Nick Fury had a purview. I was kicked out without no blue. I never thought I'd see that pursue. Ain't a soul alive that could take Nick Fury's eschew. A Wack town is quite the cat. Thinking of Saving the galaxy."

................... and just with that. Thanos died. Carol dropped the mic. As the mic fell, so did Thanos. But suddenly-

A BIG ASS EXPLOSION OCCURRED.

There was Thanos. Sitting there, not really believing what he was seeing. He wishes that is was a game. Just a sick joke being played on him, but what was happening was very real. Too real for him to handle.

It was the same tower. The same tower everyone was in, yet it was empty. For a reason, it was emptied and abandoned. Harshly damaged too, in flames. Only Thanos sits there.

Thanos heard footsteps behind him but quiet, as if the person was trying not to awaken people sleeping. Obviously, an Avenger was the one behind, clearly knowing what they had coming.

Usually the Avenger would immediately attack Thanos, completely worn out but filled with energy. Their grunts would be loud, sometimes would turn into a cry.

Now, the Avenger stood nervously, expecting to be ambushed with punches. They knew the type of being Thanos was, or could be. When Thanos is angry, he's angry. The Avenger has always known from past fights they had in the past year, and sometimes too many among st each other.

The Avenger dropped their things beside the door entrance and watched Thanos enter the kitchen area and lean against the counter. This was the signal for The Avenger to probably hide.

Thanos just waits there. He waits for an answer. The Avenger is trying extremely hard to say something, but their mouth won't produce words. They chokes on air. They don't know what to say, well they does but they're too afraid to say anything.

Thanos is staring blankly, but visually angered at the Avenger. The Avenger doesn't make eye contact.

Finally, Thanos changes his expression and takes out his phone. He starts scrolling until he faces the bright screen towards the Avenger, revealing a long twitter feed filled with tweets and screenshots posted by the Avenger. "Do you want to explain this or are you going to stand there like a dumbass all night?" Thanos asks in a serious tone. A moment later there is a bombard of stumbling words coming out of the Avenger's mouth.

"I am not sorry Thanos, I'm not fucking sorry, It was not accident. It's not hard for me to explain to you why this happened. I couldn't say no. I couldn't say no because I'm not an idiot-" "Six months Thor!" Thanos interrupted harshly. Now was when Thanos was angry. "Six fucking months! Who fucking does that? Huh? Answer me!"

Thor is left with no answer. He's all caught up. He has nothing else to say.

"You eat my vegetable chips for six months and have the audacity to call this an 'accident'? Fuck you!" Thanos gets closer and Thor steps back, both making conscious decisions.

"All those times you said you didn't? Those were lies? Why aren't you answering? Fucking answer!" Thanos' shouting louder. Thor can feel himself start to tear up. Whenever he's getting yelled at, he can't help it. "Homie I do love you-"

"Don't fucking call me that! You don't get to call me that! Not anymore!" Thanos starts banging his huge fists on the hard and cold kitchen counter. "You know how that shit feels? Finding out your homie had a six month affair with your vegetable chips, which was in fact $4.99, on fucking twitter? Twitter! Twitter is public, Thor! How did this even sound like a good idea to you in the fucking first place?".

All Thor can do is shake his head and tear. Looking pathetic. He didn't have an answer for any of Thanos' questions. "I don't know."

"I don't know?" Thanos repeats Thor's reply. "That's it? I don't know?" Thanos is still banging his big fists on the counter, causing blood to finally bleed from his knuckles. Thor, trying to stop Thanos from vastly destroying the area, grabs Thanos' huge wrist. He rustles to stop the harmful, repetitive motion.

Thanos uses his free hand to take a swing at Thor. Thor holds his palm to his face, trying to comprehend what Thanos just did. Thanos then brushed past Thor, harshly, and headed to a random bedroom.

When Thor walked into the bedroom, he saw Thanos shoving big amounts of random clothing into a bag from a drawer, not really caring on what he put into the bag. "Thanos.. What're you doing?" Thor asked, in worry.

"Leaving." "Leaving?" "Yes, leaving. What the fuck don't you understand?" Thanos snapped back. He sealed the bag and almost sprinted out of their bedroom angrily. "You're just going to leave?" Thor now getting angry as well.

"I'm not going to live in a planet you ate my vegetable chips in" Thanos threw back as he opened the front door. Thor shut the front door and grabbed Thanos' wrist.

"Thor, let go of me" Thanos warned. Thor ignored the warning. "Thanos we're homies, we can't just end this like this". Thanos laughed. He was amused by the absolute stupidity he just heard.

"Homies? Is this what homies do? Betray one another? Lie?" Thanos asked, getting more frustrated on the fact that Thor didn't want to let go of him. "What do you even know about homies? You never had one" What Thanos said was pretty low but he doesn't regret it.

Thor is now fisted. It was not until Thanos made an extra comment that Thor reacted. "No wonder your father dropped dead in Miami".

Thor slapped Thanos. It was loud, and left a hand print to Thanos' face. Thanos almost immediately retaliated and gave a harder throw back, and another, and another. It took Thor a moment to establish the situation. It came to him when Thanos was yelling things in Spanish. "Escoba interior puta puta zapato tio tetas?"

Now is when Thor is hitting back, aggressively this time. He's yelling things in Spanish too. "Juebos con salsa?"

It's as if they were both a pair of space boys, fighting in the streets of a galactic war. It wasn't too long before things started to get really violent. They took turns shoving each other against the walls. They pushed each other towards things.

All this started to cause things to be knocked over or smash to the ground. An absolute mess was being built up. Bruises started to develop just right beside Thor's eye and chest, while Thanos had face prints and scratch marks on his face and arms.

Thanos, wanting to end the fight by now and leave, finished off by strongly pushing Thor to the floor, Thor having a fatal fall. Thanos took advantage of this moment and grabbed his bag, heading towards the door.

Thor made an in-thought-out decision. Him not wanting things to end so easily, he stumble-y got up and headed to the kitchen drawers. He yanked a drawer open and grabbed Stormbreaker, slamming the drawer shut once he grabbed it.

He lunged toward Thanos and took a jab to his side. Thanos chokes in pain. He turns around and struggles to get Thor to drop Stormbreaker, while of course Thor is still throwing stabs, harshly tearing up in the process.

When Thanos finally got him to drop Stormbreaker, he looks for a first aid kit. When he finds it, he shoves it into his bag and struggles to get to the door again, holding his bloody side with one hand.

Thor just couldn't let Thanos leave. He took it to desperate measures and searched under Nat's bed mattress for the gun she used to shoot nerf darts at Tony, which they now use as an emergency gun.

He aims the gun at Thanos, holding grip and fiddling with the trigger. He's grossly in tears, but has a firm expression. "I'll do it, Thanos."

"Fine" Thanos shrugs. "Do it".

There's just silence.

About a minute goes by when Thanos starts to show his impatience. "I'm waiting."

Thor sniffed. It came to him that he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to shoot Thanos.

He slowly started aiming the pistol towards the sky, then fired, causing pieces of ceiling to fall along with white powder dust staring to spread. It was an act of surrender.

Just a moment later, he lost grip of the gun and dropped it. Thanos knew he wouldn't do it. He knew from when Thor first grabbed the gun. Thanos then took this as the signal that he could finally leave.

Thanos slowly turned and opened the door. He walked out the front door quietly without saying anything. Thor didn't want to give up though, but there wasn't anything else he could do now. He stood at the front porch as he watched Thanos throw his bag into the trunk.

"You're lucky I'm not calling the police" Thor shouted at Thanos while he shut the car trunk, remembering the large bruise he had received on the right side of his face recently. "Call them, I am the police, I don't give a fuck" Thanos shouted back. He really didn't care. Of course Thor wouldn't use this situation against him. Let's not forget the wound he now has on his side.

Thanos gave one more look at Thor before stepping into the drivers seat. It wasn't a look of anger or disgust. It was a look of disappointment. How could Thor do this to him? Thor was his life. His homie. His everything. And he goes on and does this to him? Thanos covered his mouth in a sob and got into the car. In no time, Thanos was gone.

Thor stayed outside. He stayed outside waiting. He was arguing against the fact that Thanos won't come back. Thanos always comes back. Or is it different this time?

Thor finally accepts what it is and steps back inside. He pauses as he watches the environment. It's as if he's witnessing a robbery in his own home. There are broken items on the floor. There are holes on the walls. There are things knocked over. And finally, all the sharp, infinite small pieces of glass shattered everywhere. It is an actual walk-in disaster. 

Thor heads to some random person's bedroom. He's tired. He watches his step as he finally reaches the bedroom.

He looks around to see everything in the room to be in place, except for a certain picture frame. It was a picture of him and Thanos at Loki's funeral, the only difference being is that the picture now has a shatter to it's frame and has blood smudged on it.

Thor holds the picture to his chest and falls to the ground, sobbing. He remains like this for a while until he feels a buzz in his back pocket. It's his phone. He looks at his phone to reveal a newly cracked screen, obviously a result of the fight he and Thanos had. Once Thor turned on the screen, he froze.

It was Thanos calling.

To Be Continued....

No not really lmao. Thor watched his screen in awe, rapidly thinking about whether he should take the call or not.

He was going to press answer to the facetime until Captain Marvel appeared from a mist. She came in urgency. 

"Thor. Do not answer the call" She says in a stern voice. Thor stares at her then back to the phone. They both stare at eachother. "Why should I not?" Thor remains seated in his misery. 

"Thor, non of this is real. Your 'friendship' with Thanos never happened. You two were never 'homies'. Anything you fought him for never happened. This is an astral projection. An illusion. He is casting this on you for manipulation. You are the most vulnerable at this moment so he chose to mess with you." Carol stated. She stood above Thor. She watched him rub his face. 

Silence. 

"Why does this bitch have to ruin everything smh." A voice is heard from the phone. Carol and Thor jump. 

The facetime answered itself. They cannot see Thanos but they can hear him. "It's the new Iphone glitch...." Carol gasps.

Thor has had it. He stands up and gives a look at Carol. They both stare eachother. Thor then smirks. 

When Carol sees the smirk she smiles, then lunges him forward to her to have a manly hug with a big OONF. Carol's grip is strong and her whole body is stiff but she softens into the hug. Thor whispers something into her ear. "Dyke rights." 

When he pulls away, Carol grabs both of his shoulders and glared into his eyes. "Look, Thanos is at the closest Ikea from here, his power should be at rest right now. Go get him, Gaga." 

Thor nods as she lets him go. He raises a hand and slowly stretches his fingers. He does it for a while until suddenly Stormbreaker swifts into his grip.

He salutes Carol and raises Stormbreaker. His body is now in the air and he is flying full speed towards an Ikea. A trail of a rainbow pattern follows. This is so beautiful, if a straight sees this they would die and that is Thor's full intention. Let's go kill Thanos.

"THANOS" Thor shows himself, gleaming in the sky. Thanos watches, surprised at what he saw. Seeing. Wow we have eyes. Thor throws the ax at Thanos' PP, cutting it off instantly. Thanos remains there choking on his own blood. Thor floats to the floor and watches Thanos suffer. He grins. "I did it for the lesbians, Thanos."

"Women need men" Thanos coughs up. Thor takes the axe and pushes it deeper. Thanos is screaming in pain. More blood spread around the Ikea floor. The big purple dinosaur lays there spurting out his last final breaths. "Sicko mode..." Thanos croaks. This was the end of the mad Titan.

Thor takes some heavy breathes, then wipes blood off his face. He hears something behind him and it's Carol. "Thor. You did it. You saved the gays" she says as she salutes him. He salutes her back. "No Carol, it was the gays that saved me". Carol chuckles then waves goodbye. Thor is a little confused on why she's waving but he goes along with it and gives a peace sign. Then suddenly, Thor is thrown into a vortex, too bright for him to open his eyes.

And almost immediately, Thor wakes up, back on the floor of the Avengers tower. Though, it's not the mess he and Thanos left. It's the party. Everyone is there. They are watching Thor wake. Thor has a penis drawn on his face with a sharpie. "Thor! You're back!" Steve rushes to help him up. Thor hugs him. "Yes I am back, and we don't have to worry about straight people anymore" Thor smiled. Everybody cheered.

"Thor, can you please tell us what you saw in there?" Nick Fury takes out a rec. mic. "Director Fury, It is hard to explain, and that is why I will save the story for another time. Somebody please come get me fucked up" Thor exhaled. Valkyrie runs to go get some good shit. "Well, we're glad you're okay, Thot" Nat pats Thor in the back. "Yea we were worried, you were just laying on the floor in a coma, muttering the words "Ve ge tal chisps" Clint rubbed Thor's arms. 

People kept speaking to Thor but he was not paying attention. He had him in mind. He was all he could think of in that alternate reality. Thor looked around, he looked around to find him. 

“Alright, everyone, grab that special someone. We’re gonna bring it down now for a slow song,” Maria Hill said. She changed the song. Erectile Dysfunction Sheeran started blaring out of the speakers. 

_“I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon.”_

“Goddammit, Hill.” Nick Fury lunged for the laptop and changed it before everyone’s ears started melting off. Something else started playing, it was another Ed Sheeran song. 

“Aw, I liked that song,” Tony grumbled. 

Nebula shoved past him, stepping on his foot as hard as she could. “Move, I’m gay.” She went up to Mantis and offered her hand. “May I have this dance?” Mantis happily took her hand. 

Bruce hung out near the kitchen, nursing a chocolate milk. He hated parties, he was always too self-conscious to have fun. He was only here to hang out with Thor, but Thor had been ignoring him pretty much all night. He wanted to slow dance with Thor, but he didn’t want to leave the safety of the kitchen. 

Bruce heard someone clear their throat, and looked up. Thor stood there, smiling, a glint in his eye. 

Bruce smiled back. Finally, he thought. Thor started walking toward him. Bruce put down his chocolate milk and held out his hand. “Do you—“

Thor breezed past him and into the waiting arms of Drax, and they started slow dancing. Bruce could only stare at them. Vision clipped through the wall and opened his mouth, blaring the Seinfeld theme song. 

“Go fuck yourself, Vision,” Bruce grumbled, grabbing his chocolate milk and trudging back into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and threw all the food onto the floor. He stepped into the fridge and curled up on one of the shelves, closing the door. He stayed there for a while.

Nope. Bruce had to stop being such a babey and get the fuck up and have his own fun. He walked around the dance floor and waited for somebody to take him in their arms. Tony looked to Bruce's way and grinned and Bruce nope'd and turned away.

Meanwhile, after slow dancing with Drax, Thor gave Drax a big pat and said "Good job mate, that's all you need to do to impress the ladies" he winked. Drax nodded and stumbled away. Thor remembered who he truly went into the dance floor for, and he proceeded to check around corners until he froze, and saw him. Bruce was standing in the middle of the party, spilling chocolate milk all over the floor. The lights were not dimmed, but totally off. They must have started the slow-dances. You know because they were just playing 2015 music. Bruce was eating ice cubes from the distance, looking like a chipmunk but in a handsome way. Thor watched him for a few moments then made his way towards him. Thor walked to Bruce, who was facing the other way. There was a spotlight hitting both of them. Thor taps Bruce and Bruce responds by harshly turning around and ready to throw hands, but right when he saw it was just Thor, he calmed down.

Thor smiled and reached out to offer his hand. "Can I have this dance, my frog prince?" Bruce looked at Thor's hand then to Thor's face then back to his hand. He takes a couple moments before inhaling real hard. "No" Bruce cringes, then walks away. Thor stands there in awe. 

Loki, who is slow dancing with his new bf Quentin, passes by Thor in Quentin's arms and goes "HAAAAAAAAAA" as he points at him. Loki mocked Thor every time he and Mys passed by him, dancing.

Now Thor's just pissed. He doesn't understand why Bruce would cuck him this way. Did Thor do something wrong? He tried not to think about it anymore because he wants to have fun. That's it. Fun. People be fun.

Thor broke it down insanely, even though it was slow romantic straight people music. He took a glance around and noticed Bruce's silhouette. He tries not to notice or acknowledge Bruce at all. He just remains doing his thing. It was hard though, because he realized Bruce was heading towards him.

"Thor. We need to talk..." Bruce went up to Thor and said to his ear but lower than the music. "Alright babe" Thor smiles nervously and sets his drink down on the floor and Drax immediately trips over it. 

They went outside, ignoring Coulson passed out on the floor with only panties on.

"I really don't feel comfortable at this party-" Bruce paused. Thor was eating Toilet Paper. "Yea baby? What's the matter?" 

"Uh" 

"Do you want some dick baby, biatch? My fuckin big-ass fat schlong, biatch? Yo ass want me ta spark yo' asshole, biatch? Make you turn green, biatch? Bust a cap up in Tony, biatch? What do you want?"

Bruce stared at him. Blankly. For 7 minutes. 

Thor opened his mouth to speak again.

"Baby I want you ta feel so phat cus' I LOVE you baby pimp I LOVE YOU baby. I be so sorry bout how tha fuck I acted at dis party. I was a asshole call 911. I should have payed attention ta you n' yo' anxiety. Yo ass is mah whole ghetto n' thatz why I'm..."

Thor got down on one knee. "Oh. My. God." Bruce's mouth was wide open.

"Bruce every last muthafuckin since tha straight-up original gangsta dizzle I kicked it wit you n' saw you fo' tha first time n' I was like DAMMMN his schmoooove ass thugged-out n' then you was like leave me ridin' solo pussaaaaay boy, I knew I had ta dedicate mah game ta you, biatch. Nasty scientist ludd I LOVE YOU, Jane was mah wack support top but now I be glad ta be YOUR wack support top. I gots a straight-up boner fo' both halvez of y'all as a whole n' I want you ta be mah chronic baby foreveeeer n' shit. Robert Banner, Will you bone me son?" Thor had tears in his eyes and a lightning bolt struck the sky. 

Bruce was already crying. "I don't know what you just said but yes! Yes! Yes yes!" Bruce jumped into his arms and Thor caught him in the air. "I asked to marry you my sexy bitch" Thor knuzzled his hair. 

They both started making out. 

"Awww" Said Coulson from the floor.

And after that long kiss, Thor and Bruce giggle and head back into the party dance floor. "Alright everybody!" Maria calls out with the mic. The music dimmed lower to the point you can talk over it. "We have now counted the ballots-" 

"The what?"

Hill was interrupted by Nat in the crowd. "The voting ballots, Natasha" Hill smiles, but still visually pissed. "Voting ballots for what?" Nat called out even louder. People around her groaned. "For prom king and queen" Hill gestured the huge banner that says "Avengers Prom 2018". "When did we ever decide to do a prom?-" "GODDAMNIT NAT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP." Rhodey yelled at Nat from across the crowd. Nat scoffed and shutted up. 

"Okay! So the final votes are in everybody" Maria held the envelope that was passed to her by Fury. "And the Avengers Prom king of 2018 is..." Fury calls out. Everyone anticipates for this answer.

"Captain America!" Nick and Maria called out. Everybody cheered. Thor almost jumped on Steve to congratulate. Steve found it hard to leave that roaring crowd but he eventually made it out, chuckling. Once he got on stage, Fury gave him the stash and Maria gave him the crown. Steve grabbed the mic from Maria's hands. "Actually I don't think we have time for a spee-" Maria said quietly but then accepted it. 

"Wow. This is amazing. I've never been the king of anything before! I'd just like to thank the bros and brosettes and brothems for lifting me up in times I needed to be lifted and I'd like to wish everyone here an amazing 4th of July. Fuck cops!" Cap raised his mic in the air after that last line and everyone cheered. Maria took the mic back and gestured him to leave the stage. Steve walked to the middle of the dance floor, where the spotlight was. Everyone had created a circle around that area so it was just Steve in that empty space.

"Alright everyone! Every king needs his queen! Let's now reveal the Avengers 2018 prom queen of 2018!" All the ladies in the audience literally screeched. Both Maria and Fury reached out for a new envelope. "And the Avengers prom queen of 2018 is..." Fury slurred. "L-" Maria and Fury stopped reading out loud after the first letter. They both share confused glances and whisper at each other. "Loki?" They both announce.

.......silence....

"Yeah!" You hear exactly one voice yell from the crowd. It's Loki. "I won bitches! Fuck you green ass bitch!" Loki shouts in Gamora's face. Literally it's perfectly silent in the huge room. Loki dances around in victory and then proceeds to the stage and snatches the stash and crown. He holds his hand out for the mic, Fury gives it to him.

"Oh you awful bitches, thank you all so much for making me your queen! Now kneel. I said kneel. Why is nobody kneeli- ugh nevermind. I look forward to taking selfies with ALL OF YOU, my beautiful subjects. Now don't forget, I'm better than all of you! Bonjour!" Loki tosses the mic back at Fury who barely caught it then stepped down to the dance floor.

"Uh...." Fury says into the mic. Maria grabs it and... smiles? 

"Well... How about that king and queen dance? Come on king and queen... dance or.... dance" Maria doesn't even know what to say anymore. But Loki does. He stands beside Steve and expects him to ask for his hand. Steve just stares at Loki in worry and then takes his hand. He grabs Loki's hand and goes to the middle of the dance floor. He puts a firm grip on Loki's non existent hips. Everybody watches them.

Loki enjoys the touch of Steve on his body. He stares at Steve's face, smiling, expecting Steve to notice him but Steve is too busy trying his best to avoid eye contact. Loki gets frustrated and tries to wave at his face to bring Steve's attention to him. Once Steve is looking at him, he opens his mouth to speak. "Maybe we should take this somewhere private" Loki flutters his eyes. Steve cringes.

"I have two boyfriends" Steve replies with the fakest smile ever. He hopes this just could all be over. "And I have a boyfriend and a sugar daddy, what's your point?" 

Steve notices Loki is trying to put his hands in places the Lord would not forgive. He quickly breaks contact. "I...I'm sorry, I can't do this" Steve gently shoves Loki off and sprints off. Loki is left there alone. He frowns. Everybody is whispering. Clint just wants this to hurry up cus' he's in the mood to FUCK IT UP.

Loki stood in silence. Expression blank. It was not until he heard....

A voice calls out from the crowd. It is a familiar voice. "Loki....You deserve better than this." Loki tried to find where the voice was coming from. He stopped his look at the crowd, and waiting for a reveal.

The crowd parts, and there he is. 

There he is, Peter Quill, standing in a suit, all handsome, holding a rose. There's a spotlight on him for some reason even though there's no other spotlight in the tower. Loki says nothing, just stares at him. Quill walks up to him and offers the rose. "I would treat you like the queen you are, baby."

Loki takes the rose, looks at it, then at Quill, the rose, then Quill.

He drops the rose, winds up his arm, and slaps Quill so hard that it echoes. Everybody gasped and you can hear Thor go "HAAAAAAAAAA". Loki then proceeded to step on the rose and crush it. Quill palmed the hand print on his face and watched mouth wide open. 

Mysterio comes out of the crowd and ahem'd. He walks forward to Loki and held out his arm. "Lets get out of here, baby" he smiled. Loki smiled at him back and went "Gladly." The both walked away and probably proceeded to a bedroom to fuck. But Quill? He still stood there exposed to everyone. He was frozen. 

It wasn't until somebody coughed and that cue'd Maria to awkwardly get a hold of the mic again. "Well uh... let's get back to the party!" and just at that, the music started again and everyone proceeded to dance around and fill up the middle of the dance floor that was left empty for the king and queen dance. They all danced around Quill, who was still frozen. Vision then clipped up from the floor and stood aside Quill and blared the Seinfeld theme again. 

And that's what you've missed on Glee!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chris: translate clint's words with this https://www.brailletranslator.org/
> 
> chris: if you havent know by now, i am black so theres the justification for clints language lmao


	8. Phase: Fortnite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my asshole itches- Rocket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took long dam

Jarvis and M'Baku kissin' on the floor. "I shitted and farted and cumdd"

Who said.

From the shadow, Wanda came, and then she came. Vision immediately plunged forward to trap her in a corner. "Wanda." Wanda was so tired of this shit. "I want divorce." "Wanda" Vision's face is blank. "Don't try and get me back, you've lost your mind" Wanda stuttered.

"Wanda." "Fuck, I can't leave." "Wanda." "Always been a sweet talker..."

Wanda paused after Vision gave another "Wanda". She thought an idea for an escape. "Vision, I think I'm pregnant..." "Oh fuck no no no no no" Vision without moving his arms or legs, slid away at full speed. "Vision wait! it's not your kid!" But it was too late. "OOF" Vision logged off the server.

M'Baku deadass on god o fo' real fo' real left on god timbs with the fresh cut, wave check. My fuckin' avena getting cold bih.

"Hey I don't want to be a buzz kill, but this is a costume party and I noticed you all aren't in costume..." Nat said, straightforward tone to a group of the villains. They all ugh. "You're so lame" said Justin Hammer. "It's the rules.... come back with costumes please" Nat walked away. And so the villains did.

Eventually, the villains came back, but in costumes. Ultron was dressed as a slutty witch and Hela was dressed as a normal witch. Bald guy from Ant-Man is Albert Einstein. Ava Starr is wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with a paper that says "Costume" taped to it. Whiplash is in BDSM gear but he always is so. Killmonger had a Naruto headband on. Dormammu was Sauron. Vulture is Batman. Ronan is one of those blue Avatars. Rumlow is a cowboy. The Mandarin was a slutty firefighter. Malekieth is an Elf On The Shelf. Redskull is covered in blue to resemble one of those Blue Man Group guys. Ego is David Hasselhoff from The Spongebob Squarepants Movie. Kaecilius is Solid Snake. Spikey Hulk is a mean girl. Iron monger was The Iron Giant. And Alexander Pierce was dressed as a robber.

"There, you happy now you hair dye wearing slut?" Justin Hammer said to Nat, dressed as a slutty nurse, and Dustin followed behind with just a white jacket on. "What are you supposed to be?" Nat asked Dustin. "Doctor." Dustin didn't look up from his phone.

So, Mysterio, dressed as Jake Gyllenhaal, and Loki are sitting at the bar taking hits until Mysterio says, "Bet you won't spill a drink on the short neck over there."

"Tonky? Pfft, I won't do it unless you do it too." Loki smirks. Mysterio nods his head, "Bet..."

Loki goes first, he does that fake fall gays do and spilled a party sized martini on Tony. "

Awe come on I just washed my-" as Tony was gonna start his twitter rant on the subject of alcoholism, Mysterio hits him across the head with a bottle. "Whoops." They draw Drax's dick on his forehead.

"Oooh we should play truth or dare, let's get everybody to play." And so Loki called for everyone to the bar, but they cleared almost everything out of the middle of the room except for some pillows/cushions.

So a bunch of couples sat together, Loki and Mysterio, Bruce and Thor, T'Challa and M'Baku, literally everybody at the party, and incapacitated Tony. The reason the couples got together wasn't to play the game but to see how much dirt their s/o has.

"Ok, who wants to go first.." Loki said excitedly. Bruce didn't hesitate, "Me. Thor. Truth or dare..."

Thor did think twice picking dare. Bruce took a quick glance at Thor's pocket. "I dare you to give me your phone". 

Thor fucking ran.

"Well shit, anyone else?" Mysterio asked. T'Challa and M'Baku shrugged at each other. "Aight, Imma go then," M'Baku said.

"T'Challa, truth or dare."

After what happened with Thor and Banner T'Challa decided to go with truth. "Is it true tha... you fucked Ross..."

"No, no, we don't play this game no mo'-" He walked out. M'Baku stayed sat tearing up.

"Bruh, wtf was that, wack ass shit." Mysterio was wanting some hot tea that'd spill and probably some funny gags but instead he got these weak ass responses. Its obvious that they need to find new better guys to play this game with.

"Alright Bucky, truth or dare?" Clint asked as he sipped his drink. "Truth" after seeing two couple potentially breaking up tonight? Nah.

"What's your top weirdest sexual kink" Clint sat on the couch seat gay as shit, his legs were on the ceiling. Loki looked up cus' that was a good truth. "Uuuh"

"I have a thing for mannequins" Bucky stated. Sam spat his drink. Steve then walked in and it was mad quiet. "What's wrong?" Steve asked worried. Every one stared at Steve in horror then to the Captain America mannequin laying on the floor.

Kaecilius says "I'm Asian" and everybody believes it.

"Hela, truth or dare?" Mysterio sits up as he stares at Hela. She winces then thinks about her decision. "Dare."

"Okay I dare you to bring someone back from the dead lmao" Mysterio said with his crackhead face. "Easy. You homosexual, watch this." And she caused a flame to appear and in come a figure. A blue figure. It's Loki dad ):

"Who THE FUCK brought me here. Why does it smell like cardboard and juice. Who are all you people, gross" Laufey said as he span in circles."Dad?" Loki is in awe. "Um no? I pulled out". Loki makes the crying cat face. "Father, you left me with the white man, what ever happened to me being blue? A blue life?" Loki said tearing up.

"Fuck blue lives" Killmonger shouts between the awkward silence.

"Oh fuck, gotta bail" and just by that Laufey shot himself dead. "Who's up for more drinks?!" Cap asked and everyone but Loki shouted "Yea!"

"Ey Crossbones, truth or dare?" Val nudged Rumlow. "Woman, who do I look like to you? Dare." He pursed his lips. "Aight, lick the dust off the ceiling fan" She smiled and everyone went "YOOOOOOOOOO" because that's a cruel dare. "Uh, bet? Ha Ha...." Rumlow said nervously laughing. He was scared as fucking fuck. They brought him a ladder and so he climbed. He stared at the wing of the fan, all covered in dust and webs.

"On God? Eating my penis at Olive Garden is way better than this" He said as he gulped. He shut his eyes.

Three..

Two...

One....

He licked a stripe of the fan and everyone fucking lost their marbles. Rumlow had a seizure and died.

"Hey, man dressed as a metal bootlicker!" Drax said, waving at Rhodey to get his attention. "Truth or dare?"

Rhodey looked at Rumlow's body on the floor. No one had bothered to clean him up, people were really just stepping over a dead body. He didnt really wanna pick dare, but he couldn't have everyone at the party thinking he was a bitch. "Um...dare."

"Okay...I dare you to...I dare you to..." Drax could barely get the dare out because he was laughing so hard, like wheezing with tears coming out of his eyes. Everyone looked at him, annoyed. "I dare...I dare you to kiss that man!" Drax finished finally, pointing across the party. Everyone turned to see who he was talking about.

It was Nick Fury.

Drax was still laughing to himself. Everyone else was frozen in horror, looking back and forth at Fury and Rhodey.

"What? Why are you all not amused?" Drax asked, finally noticing that no one else found this funny.

Rhodey stared at Fury in absolute terror. He knew he was going to die here, tonight. But mama didnt raise no bitch, so he squared his shoulders and stood up. "I'll be right back guys."

"Rhodey, you dont have to-" Nat started, but Loki elbowed her to shut up. This was fucking gold. 

Rhodey walked to the other side of the party to the dj booth. Maria smiled when she saw him. "Hey, Rhodey, what's up?"

"I, uh, need to, um...I need to..." Rhodey looked at the ceiling and blew out a breath. He wished he had been the one to lick the ceiling fan. "I need to talk to Fury."

"What do you want, Rhodes?" Fury asked, staring at him motherfuckerly. 

"I just want to say...I'm really sorry about this please dont kill me." Rhodey closed his eyes and just fucking went for it. Everyone watching them started screaming. Maria's mouth dropped open.

Rhodey pulled away, and Fury paused, his face blank. Rhodey's life flashed before his eyes. A smirk spread over Fury's face, and he nodded slightly.

"I am so sorry-" Rhodey began, but Fury cut him off.

"New York, babey." He then turned back to the dj booth and ignored Rhodey.

"What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck" Rhodey mumbled to himself as he walked back to the circle and sank back into his seat, dazed.

"Um...okay..." Gamora said. She looked at Hope. "H-"

"Truth." Hope didn't play that shit.

"Oh thank god." Gamora thought for a second. "Is it true that Scott gets pegged?"

"Yeah but not by me." Hope took a sip of her drink. Everyone waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't say anything else. Scott's top remained a mystery.

"Hmmmm." Quill thought. "Topping is for men but okay" Quill said as he stretched his muscles. "Hey Quill, truth or dare?" Nebula said, straight faced as she settled a coat over Mantis' shoulders. "Definitively dare." Quill said with pride.

"I dare you to leave" Nebula crossed her arms. Loki choked on his beverage. Drax chuckled loudly. Everybody else raised their brows. "Damn girl...." Sam said as he poured alcohol into his cup.

Quill starts sweating. Ashamed, he gets up, grabs his wig and his pride, and walks out the door. All in silence.

Sam and Bucky sat on the couch, next to the house phone. Several people like M'Baku, Wanda, Loki, Clint, Strange, Nebula, Mantis, Rhodey, and Captain Marvel (yes she's fucking here and she's dressed as Wonder Woman) sat around them. They were all giggling at Bucky as he was on the phone.

He dialed a number that he copy and pasted from text messages with Peter Parker. Very soon, the phone was ringing and waiting for the person to pick up. "Hello? This is Happy Hogan."

Bucky began to speak, not trying to giggle immediately at the thought of what he is about to say. Everyone around him smiled in anticipation.

"Hi, this is Jim’s whorehouse. You got the dough we got the hoe, how may I direct your call?" Bucky had to move his face away from the phone and cover it with both hands to prevent Happy from hearing his own wheeze. Everyone around him lost it completely.

"Whoever this is, I assure you the authorities WILL track this number down and you'll have to be making these little jokes in cour-" Happy was cut off by the hang up button.  
"Ey ey, pass the phone, I have digits" Sam gestured for the phone. "Who are you calling?" Bucky passed the phone and smiled.

"Imma' call Thunderbolt Ross" Sam started dialing and laughing at the thought of it. "No way, man" Rhodey shook his head with a grin.

"Shh shhh, It's dialing" Sam says as everyone gets quiet. "Hello?" the voice of a republican white man speaks.

Sam stays silent in the call. It's just a long pause through both sides of the phone line.

"Hello?" Ross says again, this time sounding more irritated.

"...............Bitch"

Sam quickly hung up and everybody was choking of laughter. Scott was literally rolling. Bucky took the phone again. "Okay, who should I call next? Anybody got a number" Bucky looked around to everyone on the couch. "Oh wait, I do" Wanda says as she looks for her phone.

She finds the number in her contacts and shows it to Bucky. Bucky smiles with his mouth open realizing who he will be calling. He copies down the number and starts calling.

The person picks up. "Hello, this is Charles Xavier, founder of the school for gifted Mutants, how may I be at your assistance?"

Bucky tries not to lose it. "Hey, um, my cat got in your pool" Bucky bites his lip.

"Oh there might be a little bit of a confusion here... The X-men mansion does not have a pool yet unfortunately but we will hopefully have one ready by June for the Mutants to spend their Summer vacation" Xavier's tone was polite and positive.

Bucky opened his mouth again carefully to make sure a laugh wont come out. "Yea and I don't have a cat!" and everyone around Bucky dies of laughter. They completely lose it.

Xavier's tone changes. "WHO IS THIS?"

Then someone enters the phone line. It's the sound of a boy that probably is young. It's Scott Summers. "Hey professor, someone lost the bathroom key again"

You can hear Xavier sigh and say "Scott, we will talk about it later" Then another person joins the line.

It's Jubilee. "Professor, what time is class tomorrow?" Xavier rubs his face. "It will posted on the bulletin board soon, Jubilee."

Now somebody ELSE joined the phone line. It most likely was Nightcrawler.

"Hi, can I have a pepperoni pizza with stuffed crust?"

Xavier, again, sighs so loud. A last person joins the line and Its Magneto.

"Hey Xavier, how long is that phone call gonna take. I'm at the bed naked, covered in oil and the heater broke so I'm freezing. Hurry up so I can ride your d-" the call cuts off immediately.

Everybody one the couch sits there in silence, trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened.

"................."

"Hey, what if we call Hank Pym and ask him about his micro-penis" Scott nudges Clint and all of them go back to their stupid laughter as Sam grabs the phone to start dialing.

Ding dong. Must be some late guests? “I’ll get it!” Steve shouted as he went to go check if it wasn’t Cop Thanos again.

Steve gasped as he looked out the front door window to see who arrived. “Oh my god….. oh my god. OH my god. oh myyyyy god. oh MY god. oh my god oh my god. oh my go-” Steve stood there muttering in shock.

“Everyone please don’t embarrass me!” Steve turned and yelled at everybody. He got shot a couple “Yea”s and “Okay”s and “Whatever”s back. Steve then took a deep breath and wiped dust off his Newsie vest. He then checked the mirror on top of the coat hanger to see how he looked. He stretched and started to open the door,

“Hiiiii! It’s so nice to finally meet you guys!” Steve said as he pulled the 5 people into a hug. Some of the people were happy to hug back, some others were stiff. “Sorry, we’re late” a woman with black hair said as she smiled. “Yea, here’s some booze through” another guy popped in from behind.

“Oh no, It’s fineeee.” Steve pfft’d. “Let me make sure I’ve got your names right, sorry if I butcher them” Steve counted how many arrived.

“Okay so, you in the Ghostbuster costume is Jessica Jones, correct? Oh wow I got that right- well you’re the only girl here… yea. Uh, you, the big guy dressed as a Man In Black, is Luke Cage? Cool! Uh White guy in the Goku outfit… Danny Rand right? Iron Fist or whatever….Yea, I’ve heard alot about you, please stay away from the clean furniture and all the women at this party. Okay um Matrix guy with glasses, Matt Murdock? Daredevil? Awesome! Hey not trying to generalize and hook you up with another disabled person but we have Clint Barton here as Robin Hood so if you find him I’m sure he’d want to chat. Alright last guy. G.I. Joe dude, you’re Frank Caster AKA Punisher? Hecking Gnarly, another recruit. Heck yea.”

Steve has the stupidest smile as he watched all of them. They all watched him back, kinda uncomfortable of all the staring. “Ahem”.

“Oh! Sorry, please come in, there’s drinks and food in the kitchen. Have fun, Defenders!” Steve almost tripped. Before leaving he poked Frank’s chest and muttered’ “Wow” then proceeded to stumble away.

Wanda looked to her left, then to her right. She checked if the path in front of her was free of Christmas tree robots. When the coast was clear, she fuckin’ RAN. She sprinted across the party as if she just got out the bathroom from a shower and she’s running to her room because she forgot a towel.

All Wanda wanted was to dump Vision, really. He’s just so annoying. And not only that, he has no dick, which I don’t even think Wanda needs because dicks can’t help vaginas for SHIT. Wanda needed a womanz in her life.

Once she got to the kitchen, her targeted destination, she saw a group of girls and decided to chill. “Phew!” Wanda wipes her forehead loudly and all the girls look up to her. “I’m so tired of boys” she says as she opens the fridge to get a water bottle, she waves at Bruce and Thor, who were making out inside the fridge, in the process.

“The robot giving you trouble?” Nat said as she stood up trying not to push Sharon who was in her arms. “Because I can handle that” Nat’s tone is serious.

“Eh, he’s not like attacking or anything, It’s just he won’t leave me the fuck alone. Everywhere I go I have to watch out for his ass” Wanda said as determined to get the cap of the water bottle off, Okoye soon helped her with that. “Girl, he follows you?” Nakia asked.

“I mean, I guess….Every time he spots me he comes walking toward me like a roblox character, and proceeds to trap me in corners with his life-less form, saying ‘Wawn-daw’. It’s so haunting. How can somebody T-Pose for that long without your arm hurting like fuck?” As Wanda vents, like all the women there grab weapons and Wanda has to quickly motion them to stop.

“There’s no need! We could summon Cop Thanos back if we start a commotion” her thick accent gets thick with this thick sentence, becoming thicker because she has a thick accent and the sentence triggers thick words as it now becomes thicker like Cap’s thick booby.

“If you don’t clock that smart watch now he’s gonna bust a cap in you with a toaster” Valkyrie folds her arms. “Yea, this is not Her (2013)” Carol said. “Or, Him (2013)” Mantis followed.

"Come on girls." Carol got up and expected all the girls to follow. "Where are we going?" Wanda was helped up by Nat. 

"To freak it."

"So we are hereeee!" Nakia said as she faced her Snapchat camera at the group of girls, in the darkness. They seem to be in somebodies room, but it is dark. They had the flash turned on. 

“So we are in Thor’s room, wooooooiii!!!” Carol grinned as the other girls giggled. “I wonder what’s in this drawer???” (: 

They opened the drawer and it is exactly what they thought it would be. An underwear drawer. Tee hee. 

They started pulling our articles of clothing, one by one, chuckling each time they presented an undie to the camera. 

“Oh my god, why does Thor have so many black tight short boxer briefs?” Wanda asked as she pulled out more and more of the same brands of briefs. 

While the girls kept laughing, Gamora caught a glimpse of something deep into the the bottom of the drawer that caught her eye. “Um, girls?”

“What is it?” Mantis got up to also investigate.

They all crawled up to the drawer, digging at the article. Once Val pulled it out they all were in dreaded awe. 

What Valkyrie pulled out was a Victoria Secret black lace pantie, the ass part being see through.

Val flicked the pantie from her hand in disgust, all the girls flinched when the pantie landed on the ground next to them. “Why does Thor wear panties?” Hope stared at the pantie. 

All of their head snapped backward when they heard the door jolt open. “Why the fuck are all of your burnt vaginas in my fucking room?” Loki’s green or blue eyes glared at the group of chicks on the floor. Loki then turned his eye to the pantie on the floor.

Before Loki could, all the girls sprint passed him out the door, brushing him. 

“LMAOOOOO BITCH WE TOUCHED LOKI’S PANTIES” Val screamed at the Snapchat camera as all the other girls run with her from a heeled furious Loki.

Girls night girls night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, suggest what the girls next adventure should be next

**Author's Note:**

> n


End file.
